I’ve been having these wonderful sessions with a professional biodynamic cranial sacral ‘person’ who is using me as a case study. I’m always happy to be someone’s guinea pig (as long as I can reciprocate in some way). Her generous gift is beyond welcome and appreciated.
This afternoon while she was working on me, I was intentionally working with her internally, letting the muscles and tension in my legs go (and other parts but mostly my legs which is where ‘whatever it is’ is manifesting).
I started thinking about how so much of the positive in our lives comes after we choose to ‘let go’ of something that is hindering us, holding us back, keeping us from seeing our truth, distracting us from what is really in front of us.
And that got me thinking about expectations, which I tend to contemplate a lot.
Expectations…the root of most of our troubles.
During my twenty years as ‘the financial lady’ during which I created and taught financial education camps, classes and workshops to mostly kids and teens and those who wanted to work with them, I often had conversations with people about the often misquoted saying, “Money is the root of all evil.”
After some discourse, whoever I was chatting with started to understand that it was the LOVE OF money, not money itself that was often a problem and that money is simply an inanimate object when you can finally see it that way.
The truth is, ALL things in our lives are just objects and it’s the way we see them, also known as the stories around them, that cause us to think about them in one way or another. And usually how we think of these objects includes an expectations or two.
When it comes to letting go, I have found that it is our expectation of whatever it is we’re working on letting go of that is the issue, not the actual thing we’re letting go of.
Here’s a familiar situation…the prelude to pretty much every divorce.
We have a really hard time letting go of the IDEA that we should be married forever, or that it didn’t workout because of something the other person did or didn’t do, or that we didn’t try hard enough or that, that, that…you get the idea.
And then there are what I call ‘the what abouts’. These are the expectations that go hand in hand with the marriage construct that we just don’t know what to do about.
What about the gym membership (or golf course membership, etc.)?
What about the kids?
What about the vacation we have already paid for?
What about our parents?
What about all of our couple friends?
What about the investments?
And the list goes on and on and on and on…
One of the BEST books ever…The Power of Now
When I was first beginning to explore the idea of ‘presence’ I realized a couple of important things.
First, I already was pretty dang present and I realized this explained why I didn’t remember many of the things that others seemed to remember. I just didn’t log them in a way that allowed my mind to remember them. I wasn’t experiencing it to remember it, I was just experiencing it.
The other thing I realized about being present with things is that it required me to let go of my expectations of how I thought things ‘should’ be so that I could more accept how things were.
As we all know, being present with things is a practice. And if we’re fortunate, we get to practice for a very long time.
There was a time in my life where I learned this lesson in a very deep and profound way. Somehow I became aware of Eckhart Tolle’s book, The Power of Now. I read it; well, I rather devoured it! And I read it at a time when I was contemplating getting a divorce from my second and last husband (because I do not want another one).
It was by deeply exploring the ideas in this book that I discovered ‘the what abouts’ and how they keep us from letting go of the things that were keeping us back. The book had such a profound influence on me that I have never been the same…and this is probably a good thing.
So, this afternoon as I was intentionally letting go of the tension, shakiness and twitches in my legs, I was thinking about this concept of expectation. I certainly never had an expectation of twitchy, spasmy legs but then again, I realized, perhaps the expectation that I would always be perfectly healthy was the real thing I needed to let go of and not the twitches themselves.
By fighting against what is, we keep ourselves from experiencing the grandest things that might be. And that’s where letting go comes into being.
I laid on the massage table with her hands on my legs and contemplated that perhaps, just perhaps, by letting go of all the expectations I have around most everything still, my body might finally relax, calm down and become it’s sweet self again.
So that’s how I’m going to spend some contemplative time over the next little bit…simply exploring where my expectations might be getting in the way of my letting go and how this just might bring me to exactly where I want to be.
I wish for you some contemplative time as well…ask yourself about your current preoccupation with any expectations of things that might be hindering your own letting go of things in your own way.
If you think of any, please share.
I offer you presence in all things. Thanks for being here…I appreciate you.
Elisabeth…
My personal philosophy…“I question therefore I am.”
Elisabeth!! How did I miss this?!
It's almost uncanny that I take a break from writing my own piece to see that you and I are the same wavelength. I've really struggled with being present recently.
Thank you for this!