For some reason, I have come to expect everything to make sense. For there to be some ordered logic in the way the Universe works, the way our bodies work (or don’t), the way our lives roll forward. For the way people respond and react and hold beliefs that to me are sacred.
Yet when they don’t make sense, I want there to be a logical way to figure out why they don’t make sense.
But I’m finding that more and more, this just isn’t the case for me personally. Perhaps you can relate. I’m hoping I’m not alone.
I am a thinker, no doubt like you are or you wouldn’t be interested in my ponderings. I tend to try to logic myself out of whatever situation I’m in, though over the years I have become, by choice and education, far more aware of what my body and being are trying to tell me at any given moment regardless of the logic available regarding the situation.
As you’ve probably garnered from past posts, I am working on sorting out my health. I tend to try to approach it logically yet I’m beginning to sense that something grander is afoot. I’m becoming disillusioned with this approach as it seems to only bring me overwhelm and conflicting information that leads to frustration.
Just when I think I might understand an aspect of what my body is going through and needing, something else pops up. My mom would say it’s simply another ‘wrench in the works…whatever that means. Moms are so great. To me, it’s just another clue.
My logical side doesn’t get why it’s not logical. Maybe it is but I’m just not using the right logic? Maybe it isn’t and I haven’t a clue. Either way, I’m left overwhelmed, frustrated and not well.
So how do we stay present with our expectations of ourselves, our bodies, our lives? It’s such a great question. In the case of health, expecting our bodies to behave perfectly under any circumstance has come to seem a ludicrous goal. This expectation brings depression, confusing, overwhelm, worse outcomes, sleeplessness. It just doesn’t seem like the most sound, and SANE, way to approach it.
Ok, so if my expectations of being healthy aren’t a reality right in this moment, how do I just be present with what is when what is is a body that feels painful, uncomfortable, exhausted and not well? Do I change the expectation? Do I drop the expectations? What about Joe Dispenza and all of the information ‘out there’ suggesting that we just have learn how to visualize the results we want to show up, somatically feel it in our beings and spontaneously or slowly, what we want for ourselves shows up.
I like this approach and it makes sense to me. Hmmmm, but is it logical? I would have to admit that it is but only because Dr. Joe explains the science behind it. And here I am with my need for it to logical.
I’m not sure yet what to do with the expectations aside from just being present with them. I do know that one of my favorite sayings, “Expectations are resentments under construction,” might be appropriate at this time.
Does this mean that if my body doesn’t meet my expectations that I resent my body? Do I resent the conflicting information I read because I have an expectation that it’s true and if it’s conflicting, how CAN it be true? Will I come to resent the advice I get from others if it doesn’t work? Do I even dip my toe in the idea that I could possibly find myself resenting life in general when it doesn’t show up to meet my expectations?
I’m not sure about any of this yet but I am pondering it. I do know, however, that being in a body, more and more, is requiring me to just BE. IN. MY. BODY.
Yesterday (Sunday…my usual day to write) I was incredibly present with my exhaustion having been woken up at fourish (aka O’ Dark Hundred) with a rude cramp in a hamstring. I was present with the pain I was experiencing from several ‘clues’ AND I was present with my desire to go put on some boots and get some fresh air and not be typing on this man-made device.
But it WAS Sunday after all and I was also present with my commitments and that meant that I wrote…no matter what.
In addition, I was also very present yesterday that I was just struggling so I let go of my expectation that I should have gone back and polished the piece and published. I just let it go and look…the world didn’t end and we’re all still right here.
Some things are just that simple.
Today, I am choosing to remember, every second that I can, to remind myself that being present with the comfort or discomfort of today and the contentment or discontent I feel with my expectations doesn’t mean I will be in the same place tomorrow. It may be less, it may be more. I just know in my heart that today isn’t the the way it will always be. It just SEEMS that way sometimes.
We have to remember that every moment is time has at it very core, a uniqueness and the next moment will embrace yet a completely different set of ‘what isness’.
But heck, I may just have a huge epiphany spurred in one of these next moments driven by logic or my guiding intuition and be 100% perfectly fine tomorrow. I love this expectation.
I suppose all of this requires being present with the need to being present with what is right this second while being present with my expectations that life does what it does, other people do what they do and bodies love to heal. I would also refer to this as my deep seated belief that bodies always heal.
In essence, I am constantly choosing to let the presentness of today roost on top of my belief that bodies love to heal and notice how well those two things co-exist. So far I’m quite pleased with the way they are holding hands amongst the chaos.
Does this make any sense at all? I want to know what you think!
I offer you presence in all things. Thanks for being here…I appreciate you.
Elisabeth…
My personal philosophy…“I question therefore I am.”
Can confirm, being a thinker is exhausting!! I'm better at accepting that there isn't a rational explanation to everything but I've still a ways to go. Daily lessons on managing expectations.
I was reading a new section of The Art of Living last night and it reads: "If our mind is not with our body, we cannot say that we are fully present." Something I'm thinking about.
Immerse myself into ANYTHING. That’s what I tell myself to do. Even all of my aches and pain need a vacation now and then. I have explored a few philosophies, and exercises in order to “think” away my discomforts— But my patience falters. Maybe just like in the old days, we should allow 4-6 weeks for delivery?